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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29590362">Anchor and drowning</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NessieKoizumi/pseuds/NessieKoizumi'>NessieKoizumi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Given (Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Doubt, Slight Hanahaki Disease, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:02:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>969</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29590362</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NessieKoizumi/pseuds/NessieKoizumi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“No dummy, not everyone could be inflicted with that.” And Shizusumi almost laugh humourlessly then, and thought fuck just his rotten luck.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Implied Uenoyama Ritsuka/Yagi Shizusumi, Kashima Hiiragi/Yagi Shizusumi, Satou Mafuyu/Yoshida Yuuki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Anchor and drowning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sorry for any grammatical error and thank you for reading !!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shizusumi had always know that love doesn’t come for just anyone. And just like the way his parent had easily let his hand go even when he was crying so much that his body was shaking, and although he can’t no longer remember the voice of his own mother, he remembers his mother combing his hair back before placing a kiss on his forehead and with her own tears running down her face, she had said in a soft broken voice “This is for your best”. His father had only nodded from behind his mother and rubbed his back before letting him go. </p><p> </p><p>He had heard the hushed talk between his new ones, that his parent had to give him away as they couldn’t afford to take care of another when one of them is sick and needs their full attention. Shizusumi would laugh humorlessly if he knew such action existed, but back then all he could hear and feel was his very own heart ripping, leaving shredded pieces he’s unsure it could ever be pick. Isn't it ironic that they had rather chosen a sickly dying child that they knew they could eventually lose rather than a healthy one ? And since then, Shizusumi knew love wasn’t build, it’s already given.</p><p> </p><p>The first time Shizusumi saw Hiiragi, he wasn’t anything special other than being an annoying spoiled brat. He would drag him along, assign him as his other half and they were practically inseparable since. Shizusumi would be the one who’d sit beside him but his glance would be fixed on another, he would be the one standing beside him but his stance would be leaning towards another, sometimes he’d think to himself enough is enough but whenever he saw Hiiragi’s body slightly shaking from all the buried emotion, he’d only pull him closer, where he had hope and pray his embrace alone would be enough.</p><p> </p><p>He sits at the end as usual,  listening and nodding along to the whims of the others. Yuki is beaming as always, the sheer brilliance of him couldn’t be contained within his own body that it radiates out and it’s sickening, how opposite their very being can be. Shizusumi had never thought himself as a masochist, but being here, standing within radius of the pure longing and awe-stricken look Hiiragi often have on his face whenever Yuki is around, Shizusumi thought to himself he’d rather be devoid of feelings rather than constantly being drown. </p><p> </p><p>He saw the littlest detail, the way Hiiragi would clench his fist a little when Yuki would laugh and shake his head babbling on and on about Mafuyu’s progress on his guitar lesson, the way he’ll taps his foot a tad louder whenever Mafuyu and Yuki share those look they have as if they’re the only two in the room, the smallest frown or the barest smile wouldn’t go unnoticed as Shizusumi is always there, the dimmest one of the broken home four. And as the way Yuki was clueless of Hiiragi’s stares, Shizusumi’s own was also left unnoticed.</p><p> </p><p>The cough starts slow, because fuck it Shizusumi wouldn’t call it as hanahaki he wouldn’t even need the surgery to get this feeling forgotten and bury, he’ll stare long enough, he’ll bleed deepily enough and he’s sure the next time he see him he won’t even bat an eye even if Hiiragi shows up holding hands with faceless stranger. Once while Hiiragi was in his arms, his face buried at his collarbone, he asked “Have you cough any flowers?” and Hiiragi just looked at him like he was crazy, even when he was so close to tears a few minutes ago he burst into his signature grin, “No dummy, not everyone could be inflicted with that.” And Shizusumi almost laugh humourlessly then, and thought fuck <em> just his rotten luck </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Mafuyu was the first one who had noticed he has the supposed flu, looking at him worriedly Mafuyu slows his steps beside Yuki and had paced his with Shizusumi’s, walking side by side Mafuyu pull out the medicines from his bag and when Shizusumi just give him a look , his left  brows raising a little, Mafuyu only said “A friend of mine has been coughing too.” And Shizusumi would think to himself, had the stares of his had  truly gone unnoticed.</p><p> </p><p>The coughing would worsen the more he spends his time with them, so slowly as he is allowed to without arousing suspicion, Shizusumi would skip practice and hide within the cocoon of his room. He stares at his palm that he had stretched out wondering would Hiiragi fall for him instead if he had known how to play guitar, the minute the thoughts cross his mind Shizusumi knew he’d be laughing at the useless thought. It’s plain and simple really, it’s <em> another case of Shizusumi Yagi not being enough.  </em></p><p> </p><p>He once asked his mom why did she choose him, with her hands on his shoulder slouching down so their eyes would be even she had said; “You were frowning a little but we knew somewhere hiding inside is a field filled with love” and although he’s sure it isn’t as soft as the parting ones, he knew it’ll be one of his anchor in life. Shizusumi wasn't born out of the love shared between his mom and dad, but he’s sure he’s surrounded nonetheless.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> cough cough  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Shizusumi turns his head to his side and try as he may, Shizusumi still can see the petals that got out and had dropped to the ground. And without him realising it, he had made his way towards the stranger slouching down to the ground to help him pick the fallen ones. And as he stares at the bluest eyes he had ever seen, Shizusumi knows straight away maybe love is indeed a given. </p><p> </p>
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